Blog - Page 6 of 16 - Living Lotus Therapy®

No Rules, Just Connection

May the Fourth be with us, always.

When you’re neurodivergent, dating can feel a little like trying to play a video game without the tutorial. You pick up the controller, press some buttons, and see what happens.

Sometimes you get it right.
Sometimes you have to try again.
And again.
And again.

But every time, you learn a little more about how the game works—and about what kind of player you are.

I’m AuDHD, and my partner is also neurodivergent.
And if there’s one thing we’ve learned in our relationship, it’s this:

Connection doesn’t always follow the rules.

In fact, in our house, we have a saying: “no rules.”
Because real connection isn’t about doing what you’re supposed to do or feel.

It’s about unlearning all the ways you thought you had to be, and finding what actually makes you happy.

Why I Left ABA: A Late-Diagnosed AuDHD Therapist’s Story

two children playing with lego blocks and other toys

Before I knew I was neurodivergent, I chose psychology because I had this gut sense that the more I learned, the more I could understand myself. I didn’t have the language yet. No “AuDHD,” no “sensory profile,” no “masking.” Just a deep pull toward understanding the human mind, especially the parts that didn’t quite fit the standard mold.

Understanding Persistent Drive for Autonomy (PDA)

person standing on hand rails with arms wide open facing the mountains and clouds

When you hear the term “PDA,” you might first think of “public displays of affection”. But in neurodivergent communities, PDA often stands for something different: Persistent Drive for Autonomy.

This is a way of being that’s sometimes still called “Pathological Demand Avoidance” (especially in clinical contexts), but that language is falling out of favor and for good reason. “Persistent Drive for Autonomy” reframes the experience in a more compassionate, neuro-affirming way, recognizing that the behaviors often labeled as “avoidance” are actually rooted in a deep, valid need for autonomy and safety.

Let’s break down what PDA actually is, how it shows up in kids vs. adults, and how to support someone who moves through the world this way.