By: Maggie Chen, MSW
Before I obtained my Masters of Social Work and joined Living Lotus Therapy, I worked at the nation’s #1 ranked engineering and architecture firm as an environmental engineer. Growing up in the early 2000s, I had always had my eyes set on becoming an engineer, though I didn’t yet know what type. As college applications were forcing me to choose a major, the 2015 Paris Agreement was signed, President Obama had made climate change a key priority for his administration, and I was living and breathing it at home in the San Fernando Valley. Power outages became increasingly frequent in the summers with temperatures that once barely huddled around 100°F – 103°F consistently hitting 108°F – 110°F. Surrounded by mountains on three sides, my family learned to efficiently pack our belongings into the family vehicles as we faced mandatory evacuations due to wildfires every couple of years. In fact, my parents became so accustomed to these fires that during the most recent evacuation order just last year, my Mom calmly sat and finished eating her yogurt before getting up to pack while I FaceTimed her frantically, trying to tell her which of my childhood belongings I wanted saved in case we weren’t so lucky this time around. With that, my career decision was made for me.
Between the fires and hearing constantly about California’s never-ending drought, I ended up working specifically in the field of water and wastewater treatment. It continues to be something I am passionate about and the scientist in me is here to stay. My time in college and my short-lived career as an engineer was spent staring at data, building water models, and figuring out how to make the most impact with constrained infrastructure budgets, either at my job or volunteering on humanitarian potable water system projects with Engineers Without Borders in Panama and Nicaragua.
These days, as a play therapist, I spend less of my time looking at spreadsheets, and more time on the floor with my kids, teens, and young adults. The world is a scary place, especially as they have so much information at their fingertips, and I try to hold their hands through it as they process big emotions that just don’t fit neatly into spreadsheets.
I’m writing this now because, as the seasons start to change, and the unknown impact of the impending El Niño looms ahead, I can feel the fear in our young people’s minds. Climate anxiety is staring them down, just as it did for me. Except this time, things are exponentially worse. So, from an environmental engineer turned child therapist, here are some tips on how to talk with your teen about climate change.
Tip #1 Be Honest When Talking to Teens About Climate Change
Kids are smarter than we ever give them credit for. They know when you’re lying to them and they know when you’re cushioning the truth. You can’t know what’s going to happen in regards to climate change because not even the scientists agree on their predictions. There are so many factors at play. Be honest. Honesty builds trust and it will show your child that you’re willing to have these hard conversations with them. When addressing climate anxiety in teens, transparency helps reduce confusion and builds emotional safety. So instead of “Everything will be fine, don’t worry about it too much”, try “We don’t really know how this is going to go – it makes sense that you’re angry and afraid. I feel that way too. Tell me what’s on your mind.” This validates their emotions, opens up the conversation, and might provide specific points to take action steps on together.
Tip #2 Validate Your Teen’s Emotions Before Trying to Fix Climate Anxiety
This is something that I still struggle with, both in my personal life and as a therapist. Engineers are trained to look at the data and then jump almost immediately into problem-solving mode. Climate change isn’t going to be something that you solve with your teen, so, in line with tip #1, focus on validating first. This is not to say that nothing can be done, but just that complex emotions require listening to understand, not listening to solve. Teens may be angry at your generation for putting them in this situation, afraid and hopeless for their own futures, worried that their lives or their children’s lives will be shortened by natural disasters, guilty or helpless for “not doing enough”, grief over the loss of nature’s beauty, numb from the constant bombardment of bad news, and more. Often, these emotions overlap into a confusing, paralyzing shadow of anxiety. Given the data, these are normal, valid reactions. Stay away from statements that minimize what they are feeling. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to just offer to sit with them in those difficult feelings. Model regulation and co-regulate with them. Bear witness to this complexity, tell them you see and hear them and are grieving for them and the Earth too.
Tip #3 Learn About Climate Solutions Together to Reduce Anxiety
Earlier, I made the statement that you can’t know what’s going to happen because not even the scientists do. This is true because there is still hope. I’m not here to make grand statements like “Recycling is going to save the world”. On its own, it definitely won’t. But I continue to have faith in scientific innovation because it has saved us time and time again. There are thousands of scientists working on really, really cool solutions. Dive deep and look for these sparkles. Change your child’s algorithm with them and consciously shift from the fear-mongering newscasts and doom-scrolling to adding balance with the scientific influencers educating about what’s on the horizon. Did you know that a more efficient form of solar panel is likely going to be ready for commercial production in the next ten years? And that this solar panel can essentially be spray-painted onto windows? That we’re ramping up deployment of carbon-negative concrete that stores CO2? Or that thorium molten salt reactors that use more abundant fuel and that are significantly safer and less wasteful than current uranium nuclear energy plants will probably start production by 2035 and maybe even 2030? For those who don’t nerd out as much as I do over this, the point is to intentionally balance pessimism with optimism in whatever ways you can find. In this sense, social media literacy is one of the best things you can help your child with.
Scientists are facing major funding and regulatory hurdles, but they hyperfocus better than anyone and will do anything to keep their research going to make the world a better place. Hope doesn’t mean that things will turn out perfectly. It means that what we’re doing now still matters. Take note of the persistence of our scientists. Let hope coexist with the uncertainty. They are not mutually exclusive.
Tip #4 Help Your Teen Cope with Climate Anxiety Through Action
Action tricks our brains into feeling better. The world our kids are inheriting can feel so awful that it pushes their minds to the extremes of “I have fix everything” and “Nothing I do matters, so why should I try.” Remind them that yes, governments, corporations, and capitalism as a whole are the big players at fault. But individual action turned into collective action means something and always will. Support your child in finding the balance between carrying the world on their shoulders and conceding to apathy. Join a community environmental group, make incremental household changes together that reduce your carbon footprint, take a daily walk together and pick up trash in your neighborhood, research environmental organizations to donate 10% of their weekly allowance to and offer to match their contributions, emphasize the power of voting. It may never feel like enough and that’s okay. But teach them that participation matters. They’ll most likely feel better for doing it.
I want to close by saying that climate anxiety has been weighing heavily on my mind lately. My partner and my younger sister are both researchers and educators who are no longer allowed to use the words “climate change” in their published works. And when I left my engineering job, I felt guilty for no longer feeling like I could be part of the solution. I sometimes still feel that way. But I know that I’m simply approaching the problem from a different, more human angle. Our youth need the emotional tools to live and thrive in a rapidly changing world. You can help give them those tools. And if you start noticing signs that they may need some extra help, we’re here to support you.
If your teen is struggling with climate anxiety or overwhelming emotions about the future, Living Lotus Therapy is here to help. Contact us today to get connected with Maggie.